This isn't happening. This can't be true. It'll go away soon: Things we've all said to ourselves plenty of times. We just can't deal with something so we deny it exists or think it'll be fleeting. That's what I was saying to myself at 14. My freshman year I fell out in the middle of lunch time, hit my head hard on that cold brick floor, and, apparently, had a seizure. My first of many. My first visit to the doctor told me I had seizures, but according to my MRI, EEG, EKG, and everything else, he didn't know why. But that it would be ok, I'll just have to take expensive medicine the rest of my life in such high doses that it will take a large toll on my kidneys. Hell if I was lucky I might even 'grow out' of my seizures in my 20s.
All I could do was think about my dream of joining the military. It was done. I had planned on doing that for as long as I could remember. I never thought about doing anything else. I couldn't contemplate anything else. So, I shrugged it off. Surely this was only a one time thing. I took my meds as I was supposed to. Usually. Being your stereotypical defiant teenage youth, I talked to recruiters and continued on my blind, ignorant path. Recruiters encouraged me to lie with wild fantasies; telling me it would be ok, that once I got in, if I had a seizure, I'd be set for the rest of my life because they'd take care of me. It was overwhelmingly impossible not to think I still had a chance. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized, what am I going to do, carry extra pill bottles into the ocean with me? Or into the desert? While HALO jumping out of a plane? No. Not hardly. If I got in and had a seizure, they'd kick my ass out and say it was my fault for lying. It was my parents who helped me realize that when I finally made the mistake of bringing over a recruiter to the house.
I was angry and confused. I begrudgingly accepted it, though I never felt so lost in my life. What was I going to do? Sometimes I would test myself by going without my medicine without telling anyone. It would be a week or so and I would have one. Thinking back on it now, I had good intentions, but it was very selfish. I scared the hell out of my parents and anyone around more than a few times.
Eventually, once again, through my parents I learned that most people in this world are lost. Most people don't know what they want to do as a career or go to school for. So I went to school just to learn. I didn't have a goal. I wasted my time for about a year. I fell deep into a hopeless relationship with a girl who lived in 2 different countries, part of the time in Mexico, then later, Canada. With the end of that relationship, once again I was lost. I would cling my full attachment to anything I could; I needed a reason to be here and I wasn't finding that reason. After some time spent clearing my head and making some more of life's mistakes; I took an EMT class that my cousin happened to be taking. I mention my cousin because he is a firefighter in my hometown, and he was my main inspiration for continuing to fire academy. Finishing that, I did continue to fire academy where I made great friends, tested myself deeply, and formed some bonds that still hold strong to this day. My life was starting to take on meaning. I had a brotherhood, something I belonged to.
I believe that is where most of us find meaning in our life: a sense of belonging. That is what I hope to build this community around. Anyone, anywhere, who is looking for something to grab hold to, we're here for you. I say we because there is more than just me out there. There are people out there who need a friend just as much as you need one, and we're all here to empower each other. Thus empowering ourselves. Humanity depends on it. This is about bringing fellow adventurous souls together, whether you're an armchair adventurer or you truly live it everyday, this is the blog. This is the blog where you belong. Welcome, have a seat by the fire and relax. You are among friends now.
--Hook
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